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Apologies are key to successful relationships. But are you doing them right? Episode summary: We all have moments when we say or do something we later regret. Then the time comes to make an apology. But a halfhearted “I’m sorry” rarely gets the job done. On this episode of The Science of Happiness, public defender Sam Dugan joins us for a second time to try science-backed tips for making an effective apology. First, she takes a moment to cultivate mindfulness through a mindful breathing practice. Next, Sam invites us in as she apologizes to her husband Nate. Sam reflects on how she took out her stress on Nate, what led her to lash out, and the importance of making a true, heartfelt apology — as opposed to the mindless ones many of us make on a near-daily basis. Then we hear from Sana Rizvi, a professor at the University of New Brunswick, about the science of how mindfulness can make us more apologetic. Practice: Mindful Breathing Invite your body to relax into a comfortable position. Tune into the rhythm of your breath, and pay attention as you breathe in through your nose, hold your breath, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat as many times as you’d like. Making an Effective Apology Acknowledge the offense by showing that you recognize who was responsible, who was harmed, and the nature of the offense. If helpful, provide an explanation, especially to convey that it was not intentional and that it will not happen again. Express remorse. Make amends. When considering how to best make amends, be sure to ask the offended person what would mean the most to them. Learn more about this practice at Greater Good In Action: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/making_an_effective_apology Today’s guests: Sam Dugan is a public defender in Salt Lake City, Utah. She and her husband Nate have three dogs, and they were on the show last year to try the Three Funny Things practice. Listen to Sam and Nate on Why Love Needs Laughter: https://tinyurl.com/5s45ps2v Sana Rizvi is a professor in Organizational Behavior and Human Resource Management at the University of New Brunswick, in Canada. Learn more about Dr. Rizvi’s work: https://tinyurl.com/4kzs4n4w Resources for Making an Effective Apology Hidden Brain - The Power of Apologies: https://tinyurl.com/bdze6yzz The Verywell Mind Podcast - A Science-Backed Strategy for Making an Effective Apology: https://tinyurl.com/2j6ar3x8 The Atlantic - The Art and Science of Apologizing: https://tinyurl.com/38j2re9d The New York Times - No, You Don’t Have to Stop Apologizing: https://tinyurl.com/3zwns9n3 More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Can Mindfulness Make You Better at Apologizing? https://tinyurl.com/bdes29w5 The Three Parts of an Effective Apology: https://tinyurl.com/3p273tym A Better Way to Apologize: https://tinyurl.com/34hp2re5 Should You Ask Your Children to Apologize? https://tinyurl.com/4vcrktju Eight Keys to Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/3x7v8rj7 Tell us about your experiences and struggles trying to make a mindful and effective apology by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or copy and share this link with someone who might like the show: pod.link/1340505607

Visualize your best possible self and tap into your inherent enough-ness with this guided meditation by Justin Michael Williams. How to Do This Practice: Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and visualize your ideal future self, the person of your dreams you’ve always wanted to be. Try noticing as many details as you can: What color are you wearing, how do you feel, what are you doing, is anyone with you? Answer this question in your mind with 1-3 words: As you look at this future version of you, what energy do you need to cultivate more of in your life now, today, to become closer to being that person you see in your vision? Breathe in deeply, and as you do imagine yourself breathing in that energy. As you exhale, imagine that energy spreading throughout your body and energy field. Open your eyes. ​​Remember, you have what you need to become that which you want to become. We are enough to start stepping into the life of our dreams. Today’s Happiness Break host: Justin Michael Williams works at the intersection of social justice, mindfulness, and personal growth — with a touch of music that brings it all to life. Learn More About Justin’s work: https://www.justinmichaelwilliams.com/ Listen to Justin’s debut album: https://www.justinmichaelwilliams.com/music Order Justin’s book, Stay Woke: A Meditation Guide For the Rest of Us: https://tinyurl.com/2p8xu6hx Follow Justin on Twitter: https://twitter.com/wejustwill Follow Justin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wejustwill/ More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Take our Purpose in Life Quiz: https://tinyurl.com/3uh8jjdv Try Imagining Your Best Possible Life: https://tinyurl.com/bdekum2v What to Do When You Never Feel Good Enough: https://tinyurl.com/kpy9b44t How Strong is Your Sense of Purpose in Life? https://tinyurl.com/2p9h7rm5 How Thinking About the Future Makes Life More Meaningful: https://tinyurl.com/2p83y2n5 Listen to The Science of Happiness episode featuring comedian Margaret Cho visualizing her best possible self: https://tinyurl.com/s2s7rdpn Tell us about your experience visualizing your best possible self by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Find us on Amazon Music: https://tinyurl.com/28hcdfsd Find behind-the-scenes material behind this podcast on Pocket, Mozilla’s save-for-later and content discovery app: https://getpocket.com/collections/how-to-access-your-best-possible-self-start-with-your-imagination Help us share Happiness Break! Leave us a 5-star review and copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607

Our guest explores how reminding yourself that you don't know everything can have a profound impact on your relationships, and our society. Episode summary: Jinho “Piper” Ferreira is a playwright, a rapper, and a former deputy sheriff. His band Flipsyde toured the world, but Jinho wanted to make real change to end police violence against his community – so he became a deputy sheriff himself. He was on the force for eight years before resigning in 2019. Jinho joins us today after trying a practice in cultivating intellectual humility. It asks us to consider how our memories and understanding of the world might be fallible, so we might not have all the answers. When Jinho tapped into the practice during a disagreement with a bandmate, he was able to navigate the conflict and come to a resolution. Check out Jinho’s band, Flipsyde: https://flipsyde.com/ Try this practice: Cultivate Intellectual Humility If you can, write out your answers. When you encounter information or an opinion that contradicts your opinion or worldview, ask yourself these questions: Why do you disagree? Are you making any assumptions about the other person and the source of their opinion? Might those assumptions be wrong? What about your own opinion, how did you come to believe it? Do you really have all of the information? Now think about the scenario from the perspective of a person who disagrees with you. Try to imagine how they came to believe what they believe. What information might they be basing their opinion off of? What values do you think they’re weighing in how they think about this topic? Can you imagine how they came to hold those values? If you find yourself getting stuck, imagine yourself as a third person weighing in with an opinion that’s different from both of yours. Try to generate an entirely new perspective. Can you think of another way to understand this issue? 3. Tap into your intellectual humility: Identify places where, before, you weren’t acknowledging the limitations of what you know about the issue. Can you find any? Now that you’ve worked to see this issue from another person’s point of view, do you see more value in their perspective than you were able to see before? What other ways do you engage with viewpoints that challenge your own? Do you notice any patterns? Today’s guests: Jinho “Piper” Ferreira is a rapper in the Band Flipsyde, a former deputy sheriff, and playwright. Follow Jinho on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pipedreamzent?lang=en Listen to the episode of Snap Judgment podcast about Jinho’s story: https://snapjudgment.org/episode/jinhos-journey/ Elizabeth Krumrei-Mancuso is a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University who studies intellectual humility. Learn more about Dr. Krumrei-Mancuso and her work: https://tinyurl.com/2t6aaa5f Check out Dr. Krumrei-Mancuso’s article on intellectual humility: https://tinyurl.com/526m8b93 More resources about Intellectual Humility: Intellectual humility: the importance of knowing you might be wrong: https://tinyurl.com/m2ct29m7 Five Reasons Why Intellectual Humility Is Good for You: https://tinyurl.com/4dnx5vu4 The Benefits of Admitting When You Don’t Know: https://tinyurl.com/4frk84k8 Share your thoughts on this episode and intellectual humility by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or copy and share this link with someone who might like the show: pod.link/1340505607 This episode was supported by a grant from the John Templeton Foundation, as part of our project on "Expanding Awareness of the Science of Intellectual Humility." For more on the project, go to www.ggsc.berkeley.edu/IH.

Take 10 minutes to be guided through a practice of meaningful self-kindness: A self-compassion break with Kristin Neff. How to Do This Practice: Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress. For this practice, especially if you are new to it, it's better to choose something that is moderately difficult in your life, rather than overwhelming. Call the situation to mind and get in touch with what happened or what you think might happen. Now say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” This acknowledgment is a form of mindfulness—of noticing what is going on for you emotionally in the present moment, without judging that experience as good or bad. You can also say to yourself, “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Use whatever statement feels most natural to you. Next, say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life.” This is a recognition of your common humanity with others—that all people have trying experiences, and these experiences give you something in common with the rest of humanity rather than mark you as abnormal or deficient. Other options for this statement include “Other people feel this way,” “I’m not alone,” or “We all struggle in our lives.” Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch on your chest, and say, “May I be kind to myself.” You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that would speak to you in that particular situation. Some examples: “May I give myself the compassion that I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.” Today’s Happiness Break host: Kristin Neff is the creator of this practice and a professor of psychology at The University of Texas, Austin. She is a pioneer in the study of self-compassion and the author of the book, Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. Order Dr. Neff’s book: https://tinyurl.com/yaubmy7v Learn More About Dr. Neff’s work: https://self-compassion.org/ Find classes taught by Dr. Neff; https://tinyurl.com/4kf52x8c Follow Dr. Neff on Twitter: https://twitter.com/self_compassion\ Follow Dr. Neff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neffselfcompassion/ Find the full Self-Compassion Break practice at our Greater Good in Action website:  https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Take Our Self-Compassion Quiz: https://tinyurl.com/yysrf663 Try Dr. Neff’s Fierce Self-Compassion Break: https://tinyurl.com/yk9yzh9u\ How to Bring Self-Compassion to Work with You: https://tinyurl.com/45zkrkam The Five Myths of Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/2p88vass\ Read Dr. Neff’s interview about Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/286njtje How Self-Compassion Can Help You Through a Breakup: https://tinyurl.com/222scejz Can Self-Compassion Overcome Procrastination? https://tinyurl.com/mrfmvyj Can Self-Compassion Help Trans Teens Thrive? https://tinyurl.com/4xs7nxre Tell us about your experiences and struggles with self-compassion and this practice emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Find us on Amazon Music: https://tinyurl.com/28hcdfsd Help us share Happiness Break! Leave us a 5-star review and copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607

Have you ever known you're dreaming while you're asleep? Our guests try practices to help induce lucid dreams, and we hear what they can teach us about consciousness. Episode summary: How do you know you’re awake? Are you sure? Practicing lucid dreaming means taking a step back to question your very consciousness — throughout your day, and even when you’re asleep. It’s no wonder lucid dreaming is associated with mindfulness. In this episode, journalists Marylee Williams and Michaeleen Doucleff try a practice to induce lucid dreaming, and researcher Benjamin Baird explains what lucid dreaming is teaching scientists about consciousness, plus how it might benefit our well-being. Lucid dreaming appears to help foster creativity and can boost your mood when you wake up. Try Lucid Dreaming There are a few different ways to induce lucid dreams. All of them take time and practice. Find a brief summary below and more information at this link: https://tinyurl.com/2m86pw7p (i) Reality Testing (RT), a technique that involves checking your environment several times a day to see whether or not you’re dreaming; (iii) MILD, a technique that involves waking up after five hours of sleep and then developing the intention to remember that you are dreaming before returning to sleep, by repeating the phrase ‘The next time I’m dreaming, I will remember that I’m dreaming;’ you also imagine yourself in a lucid dream; (iv) SSILD, a technique that involves waking up after five hours of sleep and then repeatedly focusing your attention on visual, auditory, and physical sensations for 20 seconds each before returning to sleep; this technique is similar to mindfulness meditation but involved repeatedly shifting your focus; More Resources: Lucid Dreaming FAQ by The Lucidity Institute: https://tinyurl.com/2m86pw7p Lucid Dreaming at TEDx: https://tinyurl.com/ywkymhs2 Learn about the cognitive neuroscience of lucid dreaming from today’s expert Benjamin Baird: https://tinyurl.com/mr3anzer More sleep resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Why Your Brain Needs to Dream: https://tinyurl.com/yc3makhp The Influence of Dreams: https://tinyurl.com/p6cfh8n4 How Mindfulness Improves Sleep: https://tinyurl.com/39tk85m9 Your Sleep Tonight Changes How You React to Stress Tomorrow: https://tinyurl.com/2p8zvbjz Dear Christine: Why Can’t I Sleep? https://tinyurl.com/yb88a5z6 Today’s guests: Michaeleen Doucleff f is a science reporter for NPR and author of the book Hunt, Gather, Parent. Check out her reporting: https://tinyurl.com/5de2kyt7 Read her book: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/ Follow Michaeleen on Twitter: https://twitter.com/FoodieScience Mary Lee Williams is an editor and producer on a morning news show in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Check out her website: http://www.maryleewill.com/about Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/marylee_will Benjamin Baird is a Research Assistant Professor at The University of Texas at Austin, where he focuses on consciousness, including lucid dreaming. Check out Dr. Baird’s website: https://www.benjaminbaird.org/ Tell us about your experiences and struggles with lucid dreams by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share The Science of Happiness OR HB! Leave us a 5-star review and copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607

We guide you through a reflection of three things you're grateful for today. This practice is shown to boost happiness, connection, and motivation while reducing stress. Happiness Break is a new series by The Science of Happiness. How to Do this Three Good Things practice: Take a few deep breaths, and notice how you feel. Think back on your day. Start from when you woke up, and mentally trace your steps forward in time. What was the most beautiful, amazing, or interesting thing you saw all day? How did it make you feel? Take a moment to feel grateful for it. Think what had to happen so you could see that thing today, and let yourself appreciate those things. Keep reflecting on your day. What’s the best sound you heard all day? How did it make you feel? Take a moment to feel grateful for that, and think about how you came to hear that thing today. Look back over your day again: What’s the best thing that happened all day? It could be anything. Sit with your gratitude for that thing. What caused that thing to happen? Take a moment to appreciate all the factors that led to this good thing happening today. Notice how you feel now. Find the full Three Goods Things practice at our Greater Good in Action website: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/three-good-things More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Take our Gratitude Quiz: https://tinyurl.com/yc3dc53c Why Gratitude is Good: https://tinyurl.com/fr4r2xyw Tips for Keeping a Gratitude Journal: https://tinyurl.com/6khs9k28 Can Gratitude Help You Live More Sustainably? https://tinyurl.com/bdfws2e5 Four Great Gratitude Strategies: https://tinyurl.com/2s4h6z3f How Gratitude Helps Your Friendships Grow: https://tinyurl.com/yc55bvw8 Cultivate more gratitude for the people you love with the Mental Subtraction of Relationships practice https://tinyurl.com/mthra2jd How Gratitude Can Help You Through Hard Times: https://tinyurl.com/m9jz5atd Today’s host: Dacher Keltner is the host of The Science of Happiness podcast and a co-instructor of UC Berkeley’s course by the same name. He’s also the founding director of The Greater Good Science Center and a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley. Tell us about your experiences trying this version of the Three Good Things practice by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share Happiness Break! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607 Find us on Amazon Music!

Do you struggle with sleep? This week Drew Ackerman of Sleep with Me podcast tries tips for a good night's sleep, and we explore why it's so important to our well-being. Episode summary: A good night’s sleep can be hard to come by, and beating yourself up over not sleeping enough will only make it worse. On this episode of The Science of Happiness, the host of Sleep With Me podcast Drew Ackerman joins us to try science-backed tips for finding your natural sleep rhythm. Drew, also known as “Dearest Scooter,” talks about his history with insomnia and sleep anxiety, sleep hygiene, and his philosophy on bringing more self-compassion into his approach to trying to fall asleep. Then we hear from sleep scientist Eti Ben Simon about how sleep affects your social life. Practice: Here are four tips to help you sleep from Dr. Eti Ben Simon. Avoid alcohol and caffeine after 2 p.m. to unmask your true biological sleep needs. Keep lights dim in the evening and limit access to LED lights after 9 p.m. Go to sleep as soon as you feel tired (even if you're in the middle of something). This will help you figure out the earliest window it is physiologically possible for you to fall asleep. Do not use an alarm clock to wake up. Try a version of this practice with the sleep tips in this article by expert Eti Ben Simon: https://tinyurl.com/2nesff8t Today’s guests: Drew Ackerman You might know Drew as his alias, “Dearest Scooter*,”* the host of Sleep with Me podcast. Drew struggles with bedtime worries and has a history of insomnia himself, but he’s great at helping others sleep. Sleep with Me is one of the most listened-to sleep podcasts. On each episode, “Scooter” lulls listeners off to dreamland with meandering bedtime stories intended to lose your interest. Listen to Sleep With Me Podcast: https://pod.link/sleep-with-me Follow Drew on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/2p8nrhnp Follow Drew on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dearestscooter/ Follow Drew on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sleepwithmepodcast/ Eti Ben Simon is a sleep scientist and postdoctoral fellow at UC Berkeley, where she works at Matthew Walkers’ Center for Human Sleep Science. Learn more about Eti and her work: https://www.sleepingeti.com/ Follow Eti on Twitter: https://twitter.com/etoosh Follow Eti on Google Scholar: https://tinyurl.com/328aa5yr Resources for A Good Night’s Sleep Psychology Today - What’s Your Sleep Type? Two forces that dictate our sleep, by Eti Ben Simon: https://tinyurl.com/2nesff8t Matthew Walker’s 11 Tips for Improving Sleep Quality: https://tinyurl.com/2kadu7va TED - Sleeping with Science: https://tinyurl.com/23mmbdy3 Harvard Health - 8 Tips to Get a Good Night’s Sleep: https://tinyurl.com/2p8um9z7 BBC - Why Do We Sleep? https://tinyurl.com/2p8z9v2d More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: Four Surprising Ways to Get a Better Night’s Sleep: https://tinyurl.com/2p832bh5 How Mindfulness Improves Sleep: https://tinyurl.com/2p8rhkhj Your Sleep Tonight Changes How You React to Stress Tomorrow: https://tinyurl.com/2p8zvbjz Tell us about your experiences and struggles with falling asleep by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or copy and share this link with someone who might like the show: pod.link/1340505607

Episode summary: Emanuel Hahn has never been great at asking for help. He didn’t live with his parents after age 12, and consequently, he says he learned to only rely on himself. But now that he’s launching his first book and juggling a freelance career, he knows he can’t do it all on his own. He tried our Ask for Help at Work practice, which challenges you to make a direct request when you need a hand from someone.  Emanuel had to pack 800 pre-ordered books into boxes for shipping. It’s a laborious task, and he knew he couldn’t handle it all on his own. It was a Sunday, and people probably already had plans. He took a beat, and then he sent the texts out anyway. Before long, he had eight people packing books. ** ** Vanessa Bohns of Cornell University has studied exactly what Emanuel experienced: When it comes to asking for help, we underestimate how likely others are to say “yes” to our request. But when we put ourselves in the shoes of a person being asked for help, it’s hard to imagine saying “no.” “People do get this warm glow from helping,” Bohns says. “People enjoy being helpful.” This Happiness Practice might benefit you as much as the person you ask. Try this week’s practice, Ask for Help at Work at GGIA.berkeley.edu Today’s guests: Emanuel Hahn is a freelance photographer and director in Los Angeles. He just released his first book, Koreatown Dreaming, which documents 40 small businesses in LA’s Koreatown as they weather the pandemic and encroaching gentrification. He joins us today after trying a practice where he makes a commitment to ask for help whenever he needs it. Follow Emanuel on Twitter and Instagram. Vanessa Bohns is an associate professor of social psychology at Cornell University and the author of the book You Have More Influence Than You Think. She did an experiment to see why it’s so hard for people to ask for help. Follow Vanessa Bohns on Twitter. More resources from The Greater Good Science Center: How Love and Connection Exist in Micro-Moments Is Stress Making You Withdraw from People? Try Our One-Month Pathway to Happiness Program Tell us about your experiences and struggles with asking for help by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod. Help us share The Science of Happiness! Copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607

Fear is a normal part of our lives — but there are ways we can safely challenge and conquer it. Our guest tries a research-backed way to tackle a fear she's had since elementary school. **Vote for The Science of Happiness in The Webby’s!** https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2022/podcasts/limited-series-specials/health-science-education\ You’ll have to make an account, but we promise it takes less time than it does to say “The Science of Happiness.” Don’t forget to verify your account! CLICK HERE to make an account and vote. Or, go to webbyawards.com. Click "Start Voting." Click "categories," then select "Podcasts," then "Limited Series & Specials" at the bottom. Click "Health, Science and Education" and click The Science of Happiness and Music to make an account and vote!

Comedian Marilyn Pittman takes stock of what she really wants in life – and makes a plan to get it.

High expectations can lead to disappointment, but expecting the worst doesn't feel great, either. This week we explore how to find the balance.

Part of life is experiencing pain and loss. And sometimes, finding meaning in it. We explore a writing practice shown to help us come out stronger after difficult times.

A NYT restaurant critic puts down her pen and grabs her camera to capture the beauty of the outdoors.

What happens when we feel compassion for the things that scare us? Shabazz Larkin shares what it's like to face some of his deepest fears.

What does your best possible self look like? Our guest tries a practice in optimism by imagining her brightest future.

Feeling burned out? Our guest, a nurse, explores how cultivating gratitude helps people in high stress jobs.

Can taking a few photos really make you happier? Afghan rocker Sulyman Qardash tries a practice to find meaning through snapping photos of daily life.

Thank you. Gracias. Merci. Every language has a word for gratitude. But why do we feel it? How can we experience more of it? We revisit some of our favorite episodes about the science of gratitude. 

What happens when we share our time? Our guest, chef and author Bryant Terry, pauses to be present with the ones who matter most.

Comedian Paula Poundstone tries to take on a messy and daunting task, one small step at a time.